this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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