Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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