I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
