its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
its liver damage thursday
Randomize