another moral hangover. fuck.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
