ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize