none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
