Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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