I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Randomize
