I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
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