that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
