So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
