it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
