I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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