I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize