I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
