You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
