yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
