wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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