I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Small penises have feelings too.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
