he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize