STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
tell me about the fingering
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