i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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