It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
