Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
