the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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