I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Randomize
