It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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