His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Randomize
