Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
