just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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