my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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