what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize