The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
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