i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
