I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
