ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize