I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
cat food counts as protein by the way
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
