You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
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