I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
After last night, I could never be a politician.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Randomize
