Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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