so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Randomize
