Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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