u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
i permit you to call me
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
