I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
