why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I think we might need a safe word for this...
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
