Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
