That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
