A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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