it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Randomize
