chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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