i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
