South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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