Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize