please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
