so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
