Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
