I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
