Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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