Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize