The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
