nut hugger
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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