Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
