One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
