I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
