I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
is it fun? or sober?
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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