There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
