im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
did i just pee glitter
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
