I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Randomize
