Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
