Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
