I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
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