remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Randomize
